All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Buhtt sex?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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