i was born a porn star she said
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
