clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
