these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
