Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
