omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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