The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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