how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
