STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
