She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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