when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
