i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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