On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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