i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
