I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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