Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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