FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
