And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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