he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
