I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
