we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
