It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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