Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
