my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
