True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
