I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
