I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
3 2 1 whiskey
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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