I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
