My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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