So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
