What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
