if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
