Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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