I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
