now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
