I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
