Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
