Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
