Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
