just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
