If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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