Whod you bang
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
