maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
