I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
