the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
