Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
