Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
