hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
