he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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