Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
