I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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